from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
