things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
