Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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