The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize