I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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