Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
