if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
