if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
