I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
