White coat. Heels.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
