Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
