Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
