he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
