So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
