Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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