Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
