I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
