in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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