The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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