Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.