Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.