Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
