when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
worst night to have a conscience
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
