I have demons in me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ttyl tear gas
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
