Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
