I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
