I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
