the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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