i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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