Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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