My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
