If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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