Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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