o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
