apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize