Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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