Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize