i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
