Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
