I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
