My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Houston, we have a blender
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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