i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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