Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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