i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
