last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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