4 words: hood of his car
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
as a side note pls kill me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
