walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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