What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Small penises have feelings too.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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