She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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