dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And then he peed in my hair
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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