I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
