bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
