you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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