Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
