i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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