How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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