also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
