he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
