You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
