OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
