Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
