I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
false alarm, still single
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