The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
