This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
