he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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